Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
