i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
