i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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