Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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