Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
