Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
