Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
