Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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