just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize