You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
