So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
