Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
