Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
