Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
