i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
