I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
