you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
