dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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