break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
