Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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