I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
