so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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