8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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