How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
