I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize