Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
