I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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