oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
