I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
