I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
