What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
