I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
