So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Even my vagina gasped.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
