I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
