all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
