just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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