Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
