Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
