I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
