I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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