I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
