I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
