Acid is not a monday night drug
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
