I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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