Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
