just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
