just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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