so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
