NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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