I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
