I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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