You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
