You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
