Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
