Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
