I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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