So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
