you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
