Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wear drunk well.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize