Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
