Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
