dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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