Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
