apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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