I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize