I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
