I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
