Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
